How to Find a Good Therapist and Know If They’re the Right Fit for You
What to ask, what to expect, and why the first few sessions matter
Starting therapy can feel like a big step. Maybe you've been thinking about it for a while, or maybe something in your life has made it feel urgent. Either way looking for a therapist can feel a little like dating. There’s hope, some nerves, and a deep desire to feel understood.
And the truth? Finding the right therapist matters. This is someone you’re going to share your inner world with. Someone who will hold space for the big, messy, beautiful parts of you. It’s okay to want to find someone who feels like a good fit.
So, how do you find them? And how do you know when you’ve found the right one?
1. Start with What You Need
Before you jump into search mode, ask yourself a few grounding questions:
What’s bringing me to therapy right now?
Do I want someone who specializes in grief, anxiety, relationships, or trauma?
Do I want a therapist who shares a certain identity or worldview with me?
Knowing your preferences can help narrow your search in a helpful way.
2. Use Trusted Directories & Referrals
A few great places to start:
Ask your doctor.
Ask friends or trusted professionals if they know someone they’d recommend
Check therapist Instagram or website pages, sometimes their vibe shines through!
3. It’s Okay to “Interview” a Therapist
Many therapists offer a free phone consult or email exchange before booking. This is your chance to feel it out. You might ask:
Have you worked with people dealing with [grief/anxiety/life transitions/etc.]?
What’s your general approach or style in therapy?
What can I expect from a typical session with you?
You’re not being picky, you’re being intentional.
4. Give It at Least 3 Sessions
First sessions can feel… weird. You might leave thinking, “Was that helpful?” or “I just cried for an hour—what now?” That’s completely normal.
Therapy isn’t about instant results. It’s a relationship and like any relationship, it takes time to build trust. That’s why I often recommend giving it three full sessions before deciding if it’s a fit. You want to see how it feels over time, especially once you’re a bit more comfortable.
Pay attention to how you feel with the therapist. Do you feel safe, respected, and understood? Those things matter more than their credentials or how “put together” they seem.
5. Red Flags to Notice
While discomfort in therapy is normal (growth often is!), here are a few signs it might not be the right fit:
You feel judged or dismissed
The therapist talks more than you do
You don’t feel emotionally safe or respected
They seem distracted or uninterested
If any of that shows up consistently, it’s okay to move on. You're not being rude, you're protecting your healing space.
6. You Deserve to Feel Safe in the Room
Therapy works best when there’s a foundation of safety, empathy, and collaboration. You don’t need a “perfect” therapist you just need someone you feel okay being real with.
And when that connection clicks? It can be life-changing.
Final Thoughts
If you’re feeling unsure about starting therapy, that’s okay. It’s brave to even begin the search. Trust your gut, give it time, and remember: finding the right therapist is not just about finding someone “qualified” it’s about finding someone attuned to you.
You’re not too much. You’re not too late. And the right support is out there.