Is What I’m Experiencing Normal After Loss?

Many people silently wonder if they are grieving the “right” way. I get to hear this question multiple times in my office. Generally speaking there is a right way to do many things such as fix a car, but when it comes to healing and grieving it’s not so clear. I tell my clients that there is not a right or wrong way to grieve but there is a healthy way that is specific to YOU.

Many grievers notice changes in themselves. They feel more irritable. More tired. Less motivated. More anxious. Less focused. They may feel numb or disconnected from who they used to be.

These experiences are common.

Grief affects mood, cognition, sleep, appetite, and emotional regulation. Your nervous system is under ongoing stress. Your brain is adapting to a new reality. You are not the same person you were before the loss. That is not pathology. That is transformation through loss.

Normal grief responses can include:

• Emotional numbness or overwhelm

• Difficulty concentrating

• Sleep and appetite changes

• Increased anxiety or sadness

• Irritability or withdrawal

• A sense of unreality

• Feeling disconnected from your old identity

While complicated grief and depression can occur, most grief reactions are normal responses to abnormal loss. You deserve support, patience, and compassion. If you are concerned that you are experiencing depression on top of normal grief responses please reach out to trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals for support. You do not need to go through this alone. A good question to ask yourself to decipher if your experience is normal grief or is depression is assess your level of hopelessness. Hopelessness about the world, your life, or yourself.