How to Write a Eulogy When You’re Grieving: A Gentle Guide

It can feel deeply overwhelming to write a eulogy. You’re grieving. You’re tired. You may feel numb or flooded with emotion. And now you’ve been asked, or you’ve chosen, to speak on behalf of someone you love dearly. Where do you even begin?

Writing a eulogy isn’t about summing up someone’s life perfectly. It’s not about finding the right words. It’s about sharing something true. Something personal. Something full of love.

Whether your mind is blank, your heart is aching, or you're simply unsure where to start, this post offers a soft place to land and some gentle steps to help you move forward.

Start with Comfort

1. Pour yourself your favorite non-alcoholic drink.
Maybe it’s a warm mug of tea, a creamy latte, a cold sparkling water, or your favorite smoothie.

2. Set a timer for a short writing window.
Grief shortens our attention spans and drains our energy. You don’t need to sit for hours. Try setting a timer for 15–30 minutes. Tell yourself, “I’ll just write for a little.” It’s okay if that’s all you do.

3. Give yourself permission to take breaks.
You do not have to write this in one sitting. You might need to cry. You might need to walk. You might need to put it away and come back tomorrow. That’s not failure, it’s pacing.

4. Choose a private, comfortable space.
Find a place where you can be fully yourself, messy, weepy, quiet, reflective. The physical space you write in can hold you emotionally too.

Begin with a Brain Dump

Start with what you know and feel.
Don’t worry about structure or polish. Just get memories and qualities on the page. Try writing out:

• Their strengths

• Something they taught you

• A few of their classic sayings

• A funny memory

• A heartwarming moment

• A quirk or inside joke

This is your chance to simply gather pieces. It’s not meant to be beautiful, it’s meant to be real. When you’re done, stop. Sleep on it. Let it breathe.

Build from the Heart

1. Choose 3–5 words that describe them best.
What words come to mind when you think of them? Was there a theme for their life or personality? Maybe it’s “steady,” “generous,” “a little wild,” “comforting,” or “mischievous.” Let those words guide your tone. They can anchor your story.

2. Decide on a shape.
Would it feel natural to move through their life chronologically? Or would it feel more honest to center your words around a theme like their generosity, humor, or love for family?

Don’t overthink it. Try both in a rough draft if needed. See what feels more like them.

Pull It Together Gently

1. Begin drafting the eulogy.
This is where you gently weave it together. Open with who they were to you. Share a story or two. Highlight the values they lived by. Close with something heartfelt, what you’ll carry forward, what you hope others remember too.

And if it feels too hard, imagine you're writing them a letter. That often softens the pressure.

2.. Have someone read it with you.
A trusted friend or family member can help you spot anything confusing and offer encouragement. Even better if they knew your loved one too they may offer something beautiful you hadn’t thought to include.

Preparing to Speak

Practice reading it aloud.
This isn’t about memorizing. It’s about giving your body a chance to feel the words ahead of time. Try reading it in a calm room, or even to your pet or a photo of your loved one. Practice will help ease some of the emotional flooding.

On the Day Of

When the time comes and you stand to speak:

• Take three slow, deep breaths.

• Have a tissue in your hand or pocket, just in case.

• Remember: You’re up there because you love them.

Tears are not a disruption. Emotion is not failure. You are honoring them in the most personal, brave way.

Let yourself be human. Let your words be imperfect and true. This moment isn’t about performance it’s an act of devotion.

Final Thoughts

Writing a eulogy is one of the hardest and most meaningful things we do in the wake of loss. It is sacred work. It is grief turned outward into words. It is love made visible.

If you’re here because you’re writing one, be kind to yourself You’re doing something courageous. And you don’t have to do it all at once.

You can start with a sip of tea. A memory. A few small words on a page. And that is more than enough.