10 Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before Saying “I Do”
So, you’re engaged (or seriously thinking about it)—congrats! Marriage is an exciting journey, but before you walk down the aisle, it’s important to have some real, honest conversations. Love is the foundation, but a lasting marriage is built on shared values, trust, and communication.
These ten questions will help you and your partner explore the big topics—money, family, conflict, and future goals—so you can step into marriage with clarity and confidence. Pour a cup of coffee, get comfy, and let’s dive in together.
1. What Does Marriage Mean to Us?
Marriage isn’t just about the wedding day—it’s about the life you’re building together. Take some time to talk about what marriage actually means to each of you.
Try asking each other:
Why do we want to get married?
What does a successful marriage look like to us?
What examples of marriage (good or bad) have shaped our expectations?
Understanding each other’s views on marriage helps ensure you’re both walking into this commitment with the same intentions.
2. How Will We Handle Money?
Money is one of the biggest sources of tension in marriages, so it’s better to get on the same page before you say “I do.”
Some money questions to discuss:
Do we want joint accounts, separate accounts, or a mix of both?
How do we feel about budgeting and spending habits?
What are our biggest financial goals (buying a home, saving for travel, retirement planning)?
If one of you is a saver and the other is a spender, this is the time to figure out a system that works for both of you.
3. Do We Want Kids?
This is one of those non-negotiable conversations. Don’t assume you both feel the same way about children—talk about it openly.
Things to consider:
Do we want kids? If so, how many?
If we struggle with infertility, how would we handle it?
What values do we want to pass on to our children?
How do we feel about parenting roles and responsibilities?
Even if you both want kids, discussing expectations early can help avoid conflict down the road.
4. How Do We Handle Conflict?
No matter how in sync you are, disagreements will happen. What matters most is how you handle them.
Ask each other:
How do we typically react when we’re upset?
What are our biggest triggers?
How do we handle apologies and forgiveness?
Are we open to couples therapy if we ever hit a rough patch?
If one of you tends to withdraw while the other wants to talk things out immediately, knowing this ahead of time can help you create a healthier conflict resolution strategy.
5. What Are Our Personal and Shared Goals?
Marriage is about growing together, but that doesn’t mean you should lose sight of your individual dreams.
Try discussing:
What are our biggest personal goals (career, travel, hobbies, education)?
How can we support each other’s ambitions?
What are our shared dreams for the future?
Where do we see ourselves in 5, 10, or 20 years?
A strong marriage allows room for both partners to grow individually while building something meaningful together.
6. How Do We Define Trust and Boundaries?
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. It’s important to be clear about what feels respectful and comfortable for both of you.
Ask each other:
What builds trust for us? What breaks it?
How do we feel about friendships with exes or opposite-sex friendships?
How do we feel about sharing passwords, finances, or other personal details?
If trust is ever broken, how do we repair it?
Having these conversations early prevents misunderstandings later.
7. What Role Does Religion or Spirituality Play in Our Lives?
Even if you and your partner share the same faith, your personal beliefs and practices might differ. And if you come from different religious backgrounds, it’s especially important to discuss how that will play into your future together.
Consider asking:
What role does faith play in our daily lives?
If we have different beliefs, how will we navigate them?
How will we handle religious holidays, traditions, and family expectations?
What spiritual values do we want to pass on to our children (if we have them)?
This is a great opportunity to explore how your spiritual beliefs align and how they’ll shape your marriage.
8. How Will We Balance Family and In-Laws?
You’re not just marrying each other—you’re also merging families. Whether you have close-knit families or complicated relationships, setting boundaries and expectations now will save you stress later.
Talk about:
How involved do we want our families to be in our marriage?
How do we handle family traditions, holidays, and special events?
What are our boundaries with in-laws?
How do we support each other if family conflicts arise?
A united front makes navigating family dynamics much easier.
9. What Are Our Expectations for Intimacy and Affection?
Physical and emotional intimacy are huge parts of a marriage, but many couples don’t talk about it openly before tying the knot. Now’s the time.
Some questions to consider:
How do we express love and affection?
What are our expectations for physical intimacy?
How do we keep the romance alive during busy or stressful seasons?
How do we handle changes in intimacy over time?
Being open about intimacy creates a foundation of trust and emotional connection.
10. How Will We Support Each Other Through Life’s Challenges?
Life will throw unexpected challenges your way—job loss, illness, family struggles, or personal hardships. Marriage means committing to being each other’s biggest support system.
Ask each other:
How do we handle stress and major life changes?
How do we support each other during tough times?
What’s our plan if we face a major disagreement or crisis?
How do we make sure our relationship stays strong no matter what?
Marriage isn’t about avoiding challenges—it’s about facing them together.
Final Thoughts
There’s no perfect formula for a successful marriage, but open and honest communication is key. By having these conversations before saying “I do,” you and your partner are setting the foundation for a strong, fulfilling, and lasting relationship.
And if you want a little extra guidance? Premarital counseling is a great way to dive deeper into these topics with a professional. Investing in your relationship before marriage can set you up for a lifetime of love and connection.
Would you like help navigating these conversations with your partner? Let’s chat about how premarital counseling can give you the tools to build a rock-solid marriage!